Young Hands Club

December 27, 2019

SR - The Write Off from the Logs

Filed under: Dropouts, Shreyas Ragavan — Diana Coman @ 9:38 a.m.

shrysr: << I have sporadic notes in my journal. Did not think it important to blog. i am working on extracting stuff to publish from project work anyway.
ossabot: Logged on 2019-12-11 15:09:10 diana_coman: shrysr: why not write anything on your blog about all those things that went on, anyway? even "hey, I'm in Vancouver, hoooray!" or something ("I'm alive" works too, lol)
shrysr: diana_coman: Re the question of the extent to which I want to follow you and about bringing 'myself': I think my efforts need to be elsewhere. My focus atm is entirely on setting up a stable source of income + figuring out the consultancy projects and the jobs I'm targeting.
diana_coman: shrysr: "as of today" and just about until you're out of trouble, right?
ossabot: Logged on 2019-09-18 17:13:19 shrysr: the homework. fwiw: there are others i shown reverence who dont have 10% of patience here and who've sent inept 1 line replies to my hours+++ of composed emails or repeated Q's...just so you know: i have no doubt as of today that diana_coman has my full attention and efforts as well.
shrysr: till i'm outta trouble and can figure things out yea
diana_coman: shrysr: if you are indeed sure that this is not about your ego and not-liking-hierarchy and all that jazz (that got you already in trouble before and will do it again, predictably) and if you are indeed sure that your efforts truly need to be forever elsewhere, then I'll write you off entirely, sure.
diana_coman: shrysr: neah, it was that I had your full attention and efforts only in theory only in reverence of the words-only-type and only for as long as it was convenient to you, sure.
diana_coman: you can walk away from this but you don't get to dress it up as anything other than what it is and make sure you fully get that it's not a choice to easily undo at a later time when more convenient or whatever else.
diana_coman: I can't even say that I see some way to undo at all but whatevers, never say never and all that.
shrysr: diana_coman: i don't see what is being dressed up. The reverence was there in the words and in actual and whatever effrots undertaken was with sincerity. But there are other considerations that bother me. These are things that I recognised slowly. You call it all that jazz, but yes - i do have a problem calling somebody king. WHere does ego come into the picture?
diana_coman: shrysr: what do you think that problem is?
diana_coman: the "whatever efforts undertaken" amounted to little less than 0, do you realise? sure, with sincerity, as all those sort of good intentions for as long as convenient tend to go.
shrysr: i still don't see why you call it convenient ??
shrysr: that problem is not due to ego
diana_coman: shrysr: really; so enlighten me: what is it due to?
diana_coman: and how is it not convenient to ditch the previous promise that you'll get to work come Christmas?
shrysr: diana_coman: why is it necessary that i dont have a problem with the concept of there being a king here?
diana_coman: shrysr: hm? necessary for what?
diana_coman: shrysr: you haven't answered any of my questions.
shrysr: re: promise and convenient - what is this work you mean? The premise of hte work was doing things to become the best version of myself.
diana_coman: shrysr: you know, for the same money you can "have a problem with the concept of gravity"; why do you think it's necessary that you don't have a problem with the concept of gravity? in general like that it's not even necessary really, you can choose to have a problem with anything you want; but realise that it doe NOT change what is, nor does it do anything other than give you more trouble in the long term, that's all.
shrysr: Re: necessarry for your approval or for being here or participating etc for being a part of the republic.
diana_coman: shrysr: I never stated that necessary, you did.
shrysr: i dont claim that myself having a problem with something changes the nature of the thing.
diana_coman: you know, you used those months of silence to work yourself up into knots really.
shrysr: << i dont see the need for it.
ossabot: Logged on 2019-12-26 15:40:10 diana_coman: shrysr: really; so enlighten me: what is it due to?
diana_coman: shrysr: understand that if I had a problem with people's problems, I wouldn't be any good at helping anyone learn anything. Learning is pretty much overcoming all sorts of problems, yeah.
diana_coman: shrysr: oh, *you* don't see any need for it, right.
diana_coman: shrysr: do you have a problem now with me asking questions too?
shrysr: YEs, learning is overcoming all sortsa probs. No. I do not have a problem with you asking questions.
diana_coman: shrysr: just with actually answering them? lolz.
shrysr: lol. no, i'll try to answer them.
diana_coman: I'm listening then for the answers to the questions I already asked.
shrysr: I am sure that my efforts need to be elsewhere. I've tried to explain no choice has been made out of convenience..
diana_coman: you can't explain that because it's simply not the case and quite plainly.
diana_coman: shrysr: anyway, just this question: are you sure you now want to precisely fuck off? Say simply yes and we're done.
ossabot: Logged on 2019-09-18 16:39:04 shrysr: you..and i was even annoyed that i needed that because I was afraid you'd just tell me to fuck off or disappear at some point. even with asciilifeform - i suddenly had a surge of reverence towards him after actually reading some of his posts several weeks down after popping in here.
shrysr: well it is the case. putting my time and effort into my own survival and progress is not outta 'convenience'
diana_coman: sidelining part of what helped you get into that position in the first place IS CONVENIENCE.
shrysr: what am i sidelining ?
diana_coman: it was fine while it was good and it's suddenly in the way when it's not good; the very definition of convenience, no matter what else you prefer to think.
diana_coman: shrysr: me.
shrysr: I am not sidelining you. and fwiw: i have expressed my gratitude several times. ANd yes, talking to you helped me recover at that time.
diana_coman: shrysr: what do you imagine you are doing then when "oh, thank you for this time but now I'm busy"?
shrysr: its not just abt 'busy'.
shrysr: and i've been the same busy, its not like extra busy toda since i was supposed to pop up
diana_coman: shrysr: eh, you can go on changing the meaning of words to suit you forever.
diana_coman: yes, in your suddenly very busy schedule, there's no place or meaning for pesky me because of course; and sure, there wasn't any space all the way since the moment you got out just enough to be able to find the next hole at a higher comfort level but that's also fine because really, there is NO LINK between what you found useful and what you are not all that comfortable with, no, can't possibly be.
diana_coman: this lack of place is also not sidelining because that wouldn't be nice and doesn't agree with your own view of yourself and therefore sure, NOT SIDELINING!
diana_coman: nor convenience, no.
diana_coman: (and absolutely not at all related to ego either in any way because that would also not agree with the image you can live with, sure.)
diana_coman: - all right, silence works perfectly fine as "yes"; hope you'll enjoy whatever comes out of this choice of yours.
ossabot: Logged on 2019-12-26 16:09:01 diana_coman: shrysr: anyway, just this question: are you sure you now want to precisely fuck off? Say simply yes and we're done.
shrysr: I'm more concerned abt being honest here, than some self image. hmm, its not related to ego, because its not. I dont see the need to ack king, and if there is a Link as you say - then as of today - i'm not convinced it is a wholesome link, and I dont think it conforms to idea of republic. That being said - the utility i derived and was
snsabot: (asciilifeform) 2019-11-04 ossabot: (ossasepia) 2019-10-16 diana_coman: jfw: as to the republic as a whole, the fundamental aspect I'd say is the fact that it's a republic of men (ie individual agents, active and self-directed entities)
shrysr: grateful for was of a different nature. W.r.t you having a place and meaning for me - 1. I don't see how the sorta projects I need to do are aligned with the work you need done here, and i've expressed that before. 2. you did have a great place + meaning - but my observations of the log in the past few months made me reconsider. These impressions did not form overnight, and it is not a convenient move
shrysr: outta busy schedule. The schedule and the goals have been prety much the same, to become the best version of myself.
diana_coman: shrysr: neah; you are using my very words to describe what "you" meanwhile decided is something else because that's totally how it goes; next you'll soon find out I'm evil too, just wait a few minutes.
shrysr: totally how it goes? does it ?
diana_coman: totally how you imagine it goes, yes. And so how you'll fit your narrative to fit because that's what you do.
diana_coman: now go and enjoy your choice, there's nothing more to do here.

diana_coman: !!v DC810768CF6BB492BF848A933D736A77B5476FB1C5B40031735ACCDD38DC1942
deedbot: diana_coman updated rating of shrysr from 2 to -8 << fuck off granted, as he clearly prefers.


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