I will start with The Bad of the week. The EOD reports + the accomplishments are listed afterwards.
Among other topics, I discussed my avoidance behavior that occurred on Friday morning with diana_coman via private messages. I believe diana_coman is accurate in her suspicion that the behavior I partake in that is ‘mind-numbing’ is meant to block thoughts that I find terrible. ((I say that is her suspicion from her question
diana_coman: what does it tell you so terrible that you’d rather shut it down, anyway?
)) I meditated on those ‘so terrible’ thoughts this morning (Sunday) and felt miserable. Perhaps the same thoughts knocked on the door of my conscious mind on Friday. Except Friday I drowned them out, and today I listened to them.
In our conversation I discussed my feelings of inadequacy and how decisions I’ve made have hurt my development. But those are by themselves are not what cause the most painful and repressed thoughts. I can live with the fact that I am far from perfect. What kills me inside and makes me hate myself is thinking of the ways the various modes of behavior and actions I have taken such as: having a carefree solipsistic lifestyle, taking drugs to excess, and messing up my personal development have hurt the people I care about and prevented me from being in a position to help them.
I don’t know the best way to to deal with these painful thoughts. Repressing them is certainly not the answer nor is dwelling on them substantially, since the later will only further hinder development, worsening the problem. The best course of action I see for now is taking time to calmly write the thoughts down and use the pain as motivation to get my shit together and move forward.
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EOD Reports:
whaack: diana_coman: EOD / midday report. 6.5 hour of saltmines complete, i have to go drop off the car right now which is going to take me a little over 2 hours, when I get back I will do 2 hours of work related to ordering parts.
whaack: diana_coman: EOD Report: 6.5hr done of saltmines, I wound up spending closer to 3h today on researching/ordering parts. I used an extra 1hr 15min to read/study Spanish. I investigated the 0000 gmt datetime bug. The problem I am almost certain arose after I revived my dead sql process. mpwp uses the 0000 to signify a null date, and my new sql process has a setting that makes the date invalid and rejects the insert. The new time cons
whaack: uming item I have is I must make trips to the atm (1h by taxi each way) to acquire cash to pay rent and have enough cash to be able to make bank deposits to order the computer parts. I am trying to speed the cash acquiring process up by doing a btc-buy in the us and a btc-sell locally.
whaack: diana_coman: mid/EOD report : Today’s saltmine grind got interrupted because surfpal sold the car and wanted to buy some btc. I took the opportunity to go meet him and got a wad of cash so I can order my computer parts tomorrow. I have 3.5hrs left of saltmines for today/the week, I am going to spend the rest of the day finishing those hours and revising my orders so I can make all the necessary deposits when I go to town tomorrow.
whaack: diana_coman: EOD Report: I went to town and ordered the following items for my computer/work station: A cpu, motherboard, graphics card, psu, backup internal drive, a case, an internal ssd card reader, a mouse/keyboard, a monitor, and a UPS. I will write an article with the exact items ordered soon. I tried to open a bank account and learned that I need a letter from a local describing my job/living location/etc. My landlord will w
whaack: rite one for me. The bank told me that I can deposit $1k/month at first, but that limit can be increased over time. I also spent time in town getting various items to improve the state of my apartment. I am pretty exhausted after today’s trip and will have to push back my planned 4hours of reviewing backup strategy + testing my blog recovery. Instead I will do some item unboxing tonight and try to get some good rest for tomorrow.
whaack: diana_coman: EOD report: Today was a regression in terms of discipline. I did chores slowly and was overall distracted throughout the day. I also sinned and played guitar for 45 mins without having deserved it. What I got done was an article on the ordered computer parts + following up with cococo to make sure they were delivering my items. (The UPS and monitor should be here by Monday.) I also read the two trilema articles on [htt
whaack: p://trilema.com/2017/re-reading-is-the-most-powerful-tool/][rereading] and the bicameral world at least twice each. Unsurprisingly I still need to spend more time to digest them. The main task that I flopped on was completing a rough draft of An Outpost of Progress. I sta
whaack: rted editing something that I had already written, but it was clear looking at my output that my writing was school-like in that it didn’t add a unique insight/perspective. The article in its current state is not too much more than me paraphrasing/plot summarizing Conrad. The other incomplete assignment I was supposed to do today was to read 30 pages of The Odyssey, I will make a small dent into that now before I go to bed.
whaack: diana_coman: missing EOD report from yesterday: I began my week review (but did not finish it), had my discussion with you in pms, and then met with Adam for the evening.
I started my week strong with high energy and then slowly tapered out beginning Thursday night. One improvement from the previous week is I have begun applying more principles in my tmsr world to my alt-life saltmines job. The codebase I work with for the saltmines job is an entanglement of wires that produces something resembling a functioning app 75% of the time. I have been guilty of treating the codebase with the same lack of respect that it was treated with before I joined the project. This week I decided to take time to carefully examine how this nonsense works under the hood and fix problems rather than create new ones. I am trying to embody diana_coman’s mentality in an article she wrote about coming out of open sores covered in blood. ((Can’t seem to find the link now.)) This mentality is paying dividends. I have pinpointed misconceptions the previous code authors had and have been able to address some bugs that were introduced because of those misconceptions.
The other success was I made a btc-cash deal and paid for all my computer parts. By next week I should have a UPS and a monitor. The monitor will improve the state of my neck which always has to bend down to read my laptop screen.
On the apartment development side, I was able to prevent a mosquito from costing me sleep. One of the items I acquired and assembled for my house was a strong standing fan, so when I heard the buzzing I simply turned on the fan, aimed it in my direction, and fell asleep. Admittedly this is an awful solution, my eyes were a little dried out in the morning and the noise of the fan is quite annoying to fall asleep to. The proper solution that is ongoing ((Specifically, I have spoken to my landlord about the issue, and pointed her and the handyman who works around here to all of the gaps in the walls caused by either broken screens or wood morphed from humidity. I am waiting for the handyman to acquire all the replacement screens and to finish another project he is working on to start actually sealing these entryways.)) is sealing all the entryways into the apartment so mosquitoes can’t get inside in the first place.