Young Hands Club

November 1, 2019

RMD review, October 15th-November 1st, 2019

Filed under: Robinson Dorion — Robinson Dorion @ 11:49 p.m.

Before diving into my first review here, I think noting my review process would be helpful because while the text is important, how the text comes to be is perhaps more important.

The Review Process
  1. My first question to answer was subject and theme. What does the review involve ? To which which I answered, the flow of events1 and how I changed.
  2. From there, I made an outline from memory.
  3. I used the outline to reread relevant logs and blogs to expand the outline.
  4. I allowed the outline to provide structure for the subconscious to fill in the gaps for a draft2.
  5. Edit the draft.
  6. Proof read to correct and clarify.
  7. Take a walk/do some push ups/whatever to take a break.
  8. Give one last scan and publish.

As for the negative space, I've not read through all the review and plan posts and comments yet here on Young Hands. I reckon that ought to be included in my plan for the week to come.

The Review

After embodying the lurking log reader for years, I made the leap into #ossasepia to be immediately confronted with the costs of remaining in the shadows. While I'd been reading the Lady Marquess Eulora, Diana Coman for years, and applied essentially immediately, I had nothing on the public web to show her for context about myself. I offered to spill my guts in the channel and make a later pass on my to be installed blog with a closer look at the flow of events. The conversation flowed until we reached a sore spot and I spun at the keyboard for ~10 minutes, killing the conversation, to be resumed later in the week while I set up my blog.

By then, the damned had gone dumb rendering my Rockchip from Pizarro unusable and Jacob Welsh had moved onto the spinning up a shared mp-wp instance on the machine now hosting both our blogs. Since he'd done a lot of the legwork, I was left with some minor configurations following the install for Dorion Mode to be ready.

I wrote Saturday and Sunday and published, Simple Steps: Part 1 School Spirit Sunday evening my time. While it took a while to get it out, I enjoyed the process and looked forward to continuing to push through on the narrative to the present. I claimed on Monday, October 21st, I'd be through the series by the coming Sunday after four more posts.

Jacob also posted on Sunday and was a bit down on Monday when the enumeration of his technical work these last years was put to the side in lieu of curiosity about his weak arm. While he was thinking this weak arm was only a couple years in the making, it dawned on me that environment and his passions had contributed to this process being in development for most of his life. We had a long conversation Monday night discussing the depths over Cervezas at La Rana Dorada3, which I reckon put him on good track for his interview/conversation with her Ladyship Tuesday.

My Tuesday involved further continuing my blogging quest, with one eye in the afternoon witnessing Jacob go through sharing his story through conversation and ultimately being accepted to this here Young Hands Club. We enjoyed a more celebratory than normal meal following our Tuesday night Junto4.

By Wednesday, I was back to flexing my blogging muscles to quickly realize I had some lumps to take from incorrectly discounting the complexity of the task at hand. I took a further step back to reflect and found curiosity in why I'd made the commitment in the first place. Was the commitment driven to protect a weak arm of my own ? I distilled my thoughts into an article of its own and was relieved at the patient yet assertive response I received.

I did as instructed over Saturday and Sunday and typed my handwritten outlines into blog format, while clarifying and expanding as thoughts arose through the process. I published the fabled outlines Sunday evening my time with quite a sense of relief.

The primary relief has been that of coming out of the shadows and opening myself up in the sunlight. I had been carrying the burden of imagining how my betters may judge me. My alter-ego5 tended to assume a negative and beat me up 6 from the "safety" of the shadows. Sharing my history in a space explicitly visible to my bettors has allowed them, for the first time, to judge for themselves and liberated me from the hallucination of evasion.

The secondary relief has been the integrative nature of the blogging medium. I've found this relief to be similar to the sense I experienced when I picked up the habit of journaling. While I've found the practice of journaling to support one in processing his own experience across time and relate to himself, my method for doing so had been handwritten journals. While I've shared these with family and friends over the years, the blogging medium gives one much more leverage in comparison. For one, the linking and text search inherent to the blog allow for a referencing and sourcing7 tapestry to be weaved. For another, blogging engages the world and allows the article to unfold in the comments. These elements make the blog a greater integration medium, and what is a healthy mind if not an integrating process ?

I entered Tuesday's interview/conversation with the liberating sense of acceptance. While I certainly preferred being taken in, I was rather certain there'd be no worse case of interdiction issued between myself and Jacob in the process. The worst case in my mind was I'd not be accepted now and I'd get my act together and reapply in 6 months or whatever8. The ~3 hour conversation passed in a blink with the only tension stemming from the stakes being high and lack of practice delivering timely responses through the medium over such an interval. This was good tension, it signifies I'm on the edge growth requires. I walked away from the conversation energized and Jacob and I proceeded to have a few celebratory rounds with some Junto members.

While tribulations in TMSR these past weeks9 haven't been ideal, they are what they are. All I can do is prepare myself one step at a time to level up for opportunities with greater responsibilities, whatever they may be10.

  1. Including the negative space where possible. []
  2. This time I did it all in the mp-wp editor, which means I don't have my draft outlines ; I'm thinking next time it may be helpful to do in text editor on local disk, as doing locally will provide me a my history of outlining skill. []
  3. Local brew pub, means golden frog. []
  4. While there's quite a lot to be pissed off about living during these dark modern ages, it's important to celebrate all wins, lest one becomes sad. []
  5. I use this in the sense of false self. Whereas the ego processes reality, the alter-ego or false self, hallucinates a narrative as a short term coping mechanism for what it imagines reality may reveal. []
  6. From which the dorion-rule was coined. []
  7. On sourcing and referencing, can't forget about that lesson I learned. []
  8. I didn't have anything to stand on that this scenario was possible, decided to stand on it anyway and control what I could control, which was to be present and communicate clearly. []
  9. I registered in the WoT in July to see #trilema go dark a couple weeks later, followed by Pizarro and now currently processing seemingly irreconcilable differences between Mircea and Stanislov. []
  10. I did read BingoBoingo proposal for the Qntra jounraling short course. While interesting, the degree of change I'm going through at present indicates to me I need to be careful about not overextending myself. My coming plan for the week ahead will begin to approach that challenge. []

10 Comments »

  1. Welcome! Quite nice to see the process too and not a bad one at all at that but yes, you are better off writing outside of mp-wp, in some local text editor indeed.

    "As for the negative space" - what's this notion of negative space to you?

    "While I'd been reading the Lady Marquess Eulora, Diana Coman for years" - I had no idea, you know?

    "curiosity about his weak arm." - it wasn't and isn't curiosity, no. It's talking to someone whole as the person he is because he's not just this part or that part, a cut out set and moved about as convenient, darker parts ignored because "they don't matter" as if that could ever possibly happen.

    "only a couple years in the making" - ofc not, how could it have been? What next, things pop up out of nowhere all formed and ready, totally innocent of any *full* accumulated history now?

    "it dawned on me that environment and his passions had contributed to this process being in development for most of his life" - obviously; that would have been also way more logical as his promised opening statement rather than letting me figure out of the story just what might have been the thing said. At any rate, thank you for stating it here in clear at least.

    "with quite a sense of relief" - I can imagine; and good for you.

    "The ~3 hour conversation passed in a blink" - heh; ever wondered why and how come?

    "prepare myself one step at a time to level up for opportunities with greater responsibilities" - perfect; just don't jump all over the place and/or without notice, all right?

    "I didn't have anything to stand on that this scenario was possible, decided to stand on it anyway and control what I could control, which was to be present and communicate clearly." - smarts.

    By the looks of it you should have done though quite a few more push ups before the final review: "which which", "her Ladyship Tuesday", "my bettors", "no worse case of interdiction issued between myself and Jacob in the process" (??), "Stanislov", "jounraling". The point of that break before the final review is to be able to re-read the text with fresh eyes ie actually seeing what's there rather than what your brain still remembers (and it does + it'll take this shortcut every time it can).

    Comment by Diana Coman — November 2, 2019 @ 3:31 p.m.

  2. Welcome! Quite nice to see the process too and not a bad one at all at that but yes, you are better off writing outside of mp-wp, in some local text editor indeed.

    Thank you! And ok on the composition environment.

    "As for the negative space" - what's this notion of negative space to you?

    Generally, what is not being acknowledged, either consciously when you know what you're not acknowledging and choosing not to, subconsciously when you've made a habit of not acknowledging and no longer think about it or unconsciously when you're simply green from lack of experience and aren't acknowledging something because you don't know it's something to acknowledge.

    In this case, I know there are previous plans, reviews and comments which'll yield gold as to the expectations, but consciously chose this time to publish what my notion of the review was.

    "While I'd been reading the Lady Marquess Eulora, Diana Coman for years" - I had no idea, you know?

    Yeah, glad I've made you know now, and may my example be both a cautionary (for those that have yet to lurk) as well as encouraging (for those current lurkers) tale. Come ye out the shadows indeed!

    "curiosity about his weak arm." - it wasn't and isn't curiosity, no. It's talking to someone whole as the person he is because he's not just this part or that part, a cut out set and moved about as convenient, darker parts ignored because "they don't matter" as if that could ever possibly happen.

    Ok, so you simply describe the approach as talking ? I reckon I described it as such given such quality of talking is generally lacking outside the walls. Fwiw, curiosity is fundamental virtue in my book that others -- e.g. honesty, integrity, courage, etc. -- stem from. I.e it's tough to be honest if you're not first curious.

    "only a couple years in the making" - ofc not, how could it have been? What next, things pop up out of nowhere all formed and ready, totally innocent of any *full* accumulated history now?

    Sure, and it made a lot of sense/was a relief to him when we talked it through; I noted it because it gives context to what the situation was.

    "it dawned on me that environment and his passions had contributed to this process being in development for most of his life" - obviously; that would have been also way more logical as his promised opening statement rather than letting me figure out of the story just what might have been the thing said. At any rate, thank you for stating it here in clear at least.

    Yeah, part of the shadow scar tissue to work through, but work through it we will.

    "with quite a sense of relief" - I can imagine; and good for you.

    Thanks, it's still unfolding too.

    "The ~3 hour conversation passed in a blink" - heh; ever wondered why and how come?

    Well, libraries can and have been dedicated to the why and how there, but my offhand reckoning is it boils down to being in the gift of the present. Sure, geological 'time' exists and is rather objective, but we each have a subjective experience of life. Being present means being focused on what is, through both sensual and abstract processing, and is when one is most in control of his energy, the flow state.

    Sounds like you've considered deeply, have you written on it or links to share ? Of course, it's one thing to know about it through reading and understand it from doing.

    "prepare myself one step at a time to level up for opportunities with greater responsibilities" - perfect; just don't jump all over the place and/or without notice, all right?

    All right.

    "I didn't have anything to stand on that this scenario was possible, decided to stand on it anyway and control what I could control, which was to be present and communicate clearly." - smarts.

    In which I come to learn, through a combination of this comment, that comment, and your comment in today's #t log that smart comes from to be painful, cutting, sharp.

    By the looks of it you should have done though quite a few more push ups before the final review: "which which", "her Ladyship Tuesday", "my bettors", "no worse case of interdiction issued between myself and Jacob in the process" (??), "Stanislov", "jounraling". The point of that break before the final review is to be able to re-read the text with fresh eyes ie actually seeing what's there rather than what your brain still remembers (and it does + it'll take this shortcut every time it can).

    Pff, I'll be the push up king wearing the dunce hat, ffs. The context is my break wasn't in fact long enough to generate fresh eyes because I had plans afk and chose to publish prior than wait for the morning. I think the root there is weak planning yielding a different flavor fruit from the same tree that ol' Will turned in. Plus, perhaps a false sense of urgency, it's not like the deadline was Friday..

    On the interdiction comment, that was part of evicting the 'axman at the door' from my mental real estate that had kept me in the shadows. Even if I wasn't accepted here then, I was pretty sure you weren't going to tell Jacob to stop working with me. Gotta continue laughing at this worrier/axman and maintain presence.

    Comment by Robinson Dorion — November 3, 2019 @ 3:44 a.m.

  3. #o log-blog bridge:

    diana_coman: dorion: what's the difference between negative space and blind spots?
    dorion: diana_coman I'm not sure.
    dorion searching in log now.
    diana_coman: dorion: the easiest way to get an idea as to negative space is from drawing:
    diana_coman: think of drawing an object such as a chair; the direct and usual approach is to look at the chair and attempt to draw its parts
    diana_coman: however, the result is often way, way better if you look instead not at the chair itself but at the surrounding reality borders - basically the space that the chair takes out of its surroundings
    diana_coman: the chair-shaped gap, if you want
    diana_coman: no matter which bit or object you are looking at, there will be borders between it and surroundings
    diana_coman: the object itself is the "positive" as in that's what you were interested in to start with; but the space *around* it (and not just arbitrary but effectively *defining* it) is the negative space
    dorion: hmm, so then how the chair displaces whatever in the surroundings would've been there otherwise?
    diana_coman: as such, the negative space has nothing to do directly with blind spots (in that such blind spots are your own ie related to your vision, things you don't see; while the negative space has to do with the object it defines)
    diana_coman: dorion: more like how the chair is *defined* as a result of taking things away from the whole ; as opposed to "positive" definition of the more usual sort "this chair is 4 wooden legs and one wooden plank"
    diana_coman: this difference btw goes way way deeper in that it touches on how meaning of words is constructed even (or at least in some languages)
    diana_coman: dorion: the chair-drawing exercise is simple enough you can even do it, if you want; ie draw something focusing on the object itself; then on another day draw the same thing focusing on what is not-object in your chosen viewframe
    diana_coman: and then compare the two
    diana_coman: (now I have no idea how good you are at drawing, heh)
    diana_coman: obviously, if you do it, choose something reasonably non-compact ie preferably not-a-tennis-ball, lolz.
    dorion: diana_coman in that sense, I can be defined not by what I'm saying here or even the topic, but that you'd be doing something else right now if not delivering this negative space likbez.
    diana_coman: well, you are not really defined by what I'm saying though :)
    diana_coman: but our interaction, yes
    dorion: I see.
    diana_coman: onth blind spots are really like in a car's mirror: those bits and parts that you don't see; as to *why* you don't see them, there can be all sorts of reasons
    dorion not very practiced at drawing, but will give it a try.
    diana_coman: dorion: fwiw the "negative space drawing" is actually quite often used as an exercise to help beginners draw *better* pictures than they would otherwise.
    diana_coman: dorion: does that make sense?

    dorion: yes, thank you.
    diana_coman: you're welcome.
    ...
    whaack: another similar drawing exercise is to copy another drawing, but upside down, and then flip your final result. (i found the exercise from a book, "Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain" by Betty Edwards, recommended in a tlp post) i did the exercise and it produced the best drawing i've ever done lol
    diana_coman: whaack: yes.
    whaack: my understanding from the tlp post is these drills prevent your brain from reducing the subject you're drawing to symbols "human head => circle"
    diana_coman: whaack: there is an element of that for sure; but the definition by subtraction vs definition by parts is more than just "don't reduce it to predefined symbols"

    Comment by Robinson Dorion — November 3, 2019 @ 5:35 p.m.

  4. "yield gold as to the expectations" - concerned with expectations, eh? Don't exam-take and remember the dorion-rule. Those reviews and plans are first and foremost tools for each of you to help yourselves; yes, I give feedback on them but no, that doesn't mean that their full value is defined by my feedback on them. And there is specifically NO set format and the like - guess why. (That being said, read others too, sure, why not, it will surely not hurt anything.)

    "such quality of talking is generally lacking outside the walls" - it is... expensive, yes.

    "Fwiw, curiosity is fundamental virtue in my book" - fundamental as in "can't really claim to be alive without curiosity", yes, I can see it and in this sense sure, that as everything else is curiosity at core, certainly.

    "Well, libraries can and have been dedicated to the why and how there" - heh, no need to go a la recherche du temps perdu, certainly. Just to note that this sort of 3 hours in a blink don't just happen out of only being present, either.

    "it's not like the deadline was Friday.." - just plan it for Friday/any other day/as it makes sense on that week if you want to publish it on Friday, that's all (you did get the feedback now rather than on Monday so I can see why you might want to publish it sooner rather than later, the deadline is after all just that, the *dead* line).

    Comment by Diana Coman — November 3, 2019 @ 8:25 p.m.

  5. "concerned with expectations, eh?" -- Point taken. Perhaps would've been more accurate to describe the cause as, understand what advice has already been given such that I save myself and you time in that you don't have to repeat yourself from my lack of reading what you already wrote. Was more about being resourceful, "open myself up to feedback gifted in any form given" than concern. I know I'm here to learn and improve myself.

    "can't really claim to be alive without curiosity" -- maps nicely to today's "curiosity (the most fundamental of all innate behaviours in humans)"

    "just happen out of only being present, either." -- being present with what is meaningful then ?

    Noted re "dead" lines! To life! Thank you.

    Comment by Robinson Dorion — November 4, 2019 @ 12:35 a.m.

  6. "understand what advice has already been given such that I save myself and you time" - very good indeed.

    Comment by Diana Coman — November 4, 2019 @ 4:42 p.m.

  7. Now you have another data point to help you answer that question there that remained unanswered so far. I rather think you *were* quite present during the talk with Stan, weren't you?

    Comment by Diana Coman — November 11, 2019 @ 1:23 p.m.

  8. Hmm. I was present. While the time went by quickly, I was aware of the time throughout -- in part because of the time limit, which he reminded me (and himself) of a couple times.

    Upon reflection I lost my cool and forced a preconceived issue. I wasn't fully listening to him and humbly venture to guess that approach was mutual.

    Comment by Robinson Dorion — November 12, 2019 @ 8:42 p.m.

  9. Quite. And aware of the time wouldn't be all that much of a problem in itself, it's more the part with glad it wasn't more, lol. But in any case, that's the core there: to which extent and how well all participants actually connect (for lack of better word) with the other(s). Anyways, that's about as much as one can get out of this right now, I'd say.

    Comment by Diana Coman — November 12, 2019 @ 8:54 p.m.

  10. Very much about quality rather than quantity. And boy oh boy, thanks for linking that quote of mine back in to squeeze the last drop here.

    Comment by Robinson Dorion — November 12, 2019 @ 10:11 p.m.

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